Notice of Revocation of Independence

Ever since the 2000 election of George W. Bush, the internet has circulated various satirical "notices of revocation of independence," poking fun at America's inability to elect a good President. After the 2004 election, a letter (thanks to Sub Ratione Dei) purportedly written by John Cleese was circulated. The following are some of the choicest bits:

Open Letter from John Cleese.

A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). ...

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're certainly not grown up enough to handle a gun. ...

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. ...

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. ...

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.