“As Barth”: Entry #9

The ninth entry in the contest comes from Chris Tilling of Chrisendom, who is currently doing postgraduate work under Max Turner at Tübingen University.

As Barth
Blue books fill my shelf, inviting to be devoured
But my lazy arse sometimes needs to be first overpowered

He did write an awful lot,
But at least it wasn’t a lot that was awful Schrott

Though my butt is not lazy all the time, mind you
As often I love to read the CD, especially while on the loo

Luther too did his best thinking on the pot,
As, according to the Apocryphal Liturgy of Moses, so did Lot.

Hang on, Chris, toilet humour is not appropriate for a man of such greatness
And I gotta tell you, not much rhymes with ‘greatness’ (nor ‘bollocks’ come to that).
Oh, actually ‘lateness’ does. Shit.

Don’t get me wrong, not all poetry needs to rhyme
Especially because drafting it takes up a bit more time

But this is all the more the case with Barth,
As his name sounds like the sound my bottom makes when I
Go to bed.

Oh yes, don’t make me a limp wristed poem writer, Oh Lord
That takes himself too seriously and gets everyone deathly bored.

Make me a Barth without the unfortunate rhyme,
Yea, Lord, make me a more of a Barthian,
For that’s not so easy to rhyme with a gastronomical functian.

The contest will end on July 4, at which point we will have a poll to decide who is the winner. If you wish to enter the contest, email me here. See the original post for more information.


Ben Myers said…
A Tribute to the Poet

Oh Chris, your verse is clear as brass,
And sweet as music from my arse;
No one else rhymes quite like you,
Nor reads such volumes on the loo.
4 of 5 stars. But, 4.5 of 5 stars to Ben's short verse in response!
Ben Myers said…
Thanks, WTM -- I guess that gives me a total of 9.0, right?
Anonymous said…
But no, really: what do you think of Barth? :)
Lol, Ben! I didn't know that we were doing cumulative scoring. I would have been much more miserly!
Chris Tilling said…
Come on, wtm!
Mine was MUCH better than Ben's!

Here is another example of my mastery of the verse:

"Beans, beans, good for your heart,
Beans, beans, make you read Barth"

Genius is often misunderstood, however.

I gave you a very good rating when viewed against what I have been giving out. Plus, Ben's pithy response has the benefit of being very succinct, and I (like Calvin) have an aesthetic attraction to such things!
Anonymous said…
Granted, I'm not much of a poet, but this sounds fun. Here' my tribute to the author:

There once was a scholar from Tubingen;
Who needed to go to the loo (again).
Said he is in heart,
"I'd better bring Barth,
And I'll walk out feeling new again."
The Muse has appeared!!!!!
Chris Tilling said…
Wtm, no excuses, just apologies.

Dan, you are right, you are no poet!
That is absolutely awful!!
Again can't rhyme with again!!